2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
