this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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