My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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