I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My Sexting was not on an AP level
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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