I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
