nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
