Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
PANTIES FOUND
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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