So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
