drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
