You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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