3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
