He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Boobs speak an international language.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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