margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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