Whatcha textin bout Willis?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
