i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
