Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
