Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
