hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
