I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
