Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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