Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
