Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
