He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
