I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
