we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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