capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
