Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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