As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
