so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
