I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Your shirt... Was in my pants
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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