I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
