oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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