Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
