We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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