There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
