people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So vagazzling was a success
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
