hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
