So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
