My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
