then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
