Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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