Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
