is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
