I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
