fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
