I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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