He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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