it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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