Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
