remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
