Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
