hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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